CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
