i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
