i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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