Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
