I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
