i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
