I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize