even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
