i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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