Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
