No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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