it's like iHOP with fire
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
