So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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