All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
