I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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