you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
