I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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