I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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