I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Boobs speak an international language.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
