I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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