Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
