My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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