Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
