you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
