haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The air was thick with penises
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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