My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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