is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You may now shotgun with the bride
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
