listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
She just used a chaser for red wine.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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