What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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