just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
