Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
