So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
