We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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