I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
