go do what you do best...puke behind churches
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
