lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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