Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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