Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
