I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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