Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
