do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
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