I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
