My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
