Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She told me I should be a condom model.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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