both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize