I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
