i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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