U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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