Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
