there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
