Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
