i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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