Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
