People with herpes should wear stickers.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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