Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
