Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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