Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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