I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
