I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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