We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
