You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
