update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I deserve this hangover.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
