She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
