party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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