The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
